Slip Sliding Away

I’m in the gym, so that’s a start.

I say gym, it’s actually that area outside the gym itself where the sad and cracked have coffee or check their emails or watch sports on a telly with no sound. Why would you do that?

Anyway, as you can see from the date on the top of this post it’s now nearing the end of November and this year is sliding away like so many before it.

Like the other saddoes in the gym cafe I am sipping a coffee and contemplating what workout I will do shortly.

And writing a long overdue blog post.

In terms of achieving its goals – namely, to remind myself, that Shaun and I would both lose five stones in a year – this blog has been, perhaps, the worst piece of ‘self help’ writing ever conceived.

In retrospect it was all a spectacularly bad idea. I have lost next to no weight, and judging by the state of Shaun the last time I saw him (over the rim of a pint glass, where else?) he is not going to be collecting any Slimmer of the Year medals any time soon either.

So if you have read any of this hoping to use it as some kind of template for your own efforts I can only apologise. I should be personally embarrassed too really, to have made such a public humiliation of ourselves.

But you know, I am an optimist at heart.

I’m in the gym. I am here, and no matter how sorry for myself and beat up and fat and hopeless I feel there are older and fatter and worse off people than me.

All of the people here are on their own journey, and improving, (or at least sticking in at the trying to improve), their lives by improving their physical wellbeing.

Obviously there is no way I will be able to lose the weight between now and the end of the year but I’m going to try to give fitness another real crack.

There have been a few push factors of late, a few folk who I’ve met who I never realised had ever read this blog asking kindly (after looking at my bulky form) if it was still ‘a thing’ and urging me to keep at it.

And at work there have been two colleagues in particular who have really transformed themselves by working hard at their fitness. They both look happier, sharper and ‘on their game’. Their success is spurring me back to it.

So now the plan is no more than to knuckle down for the rest of 2015 and enjoy some improved fitness and health. I will attempt to rack up the metres on the rowing machine and get back down to Lochend for some circuit training sessions.

If this blog has taught me anything it is the direct relationship between effort and reward.

Here goes again then.

I’m in the gym, so that’s a start.

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Breakfast of champions? Time to find out

It’s Saturday morning on a Bank Holiday weekend. The sun is shining, gloriously outside, beckoning the world to join in the day.

On the stove a pot of porridge bubbles, bliffing and splutting steam and splattering the sides as water, salt and oats collide. The smell is … reassuring. Wholesome. It reminds me of days visiting my auntie Mae and uncle Jimmy as a kid. Always does.

But it’s been a wee while since I had porridge. It’s been more a variety of eggs on toast and a couple of months back, home cooked breakfasts. Not just at weekends, but most days. You can guess the rest.

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Caribbean chicken and spinach omelette recipe

Pretty sure Iain thinks I’m off my head, but I suggested we should start sharing some recipes .. or at least, our version of them.

A main reason being that, one of the key things I’ve learned these past few years is not just being more aware of what you’re having, but having a daily focus on it too.

So in the spirit of healthy eating, may I present … Continue reading

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From one slippery slope to another?

It wasn’t very far, but I had a notion to go a wander when the snow was coming down just recently. You know, just to stretch the legs and breathe in some fresh air.

And so I found myself here, in a farmer’s field in West Lothian, the moon overhead and chill in the air, the snow squeaking underfoot that way it does when newly settled.


Which has me thinking of Glencoe, a favourite place. A cheeky wee wander .. and a first go at skiing perhaps? It’s a thought.

I travelled through Aviemore on the way north to Inverness at the weekend, the first time I’d been there in heavy snow. I’d never before seen the scar left in the mountains down one of the slopes far off in the distance.

It’s easy to forget sometimes what a beautiful country Scotland can be. All the more reason to get out there and discover it during this new effort.

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Hope and prayer

The week had been going well. Gym. Swimming. Eating. And then came Friday. For most, pay day Friday.

When you’ve been largely dry since October, as I have, a couple of small drinks didn’t seem excessive. In Glasgow for an evening, they weren’t. Save the cocktail.

A couple of hours in good company. An early train home. Resisting a chance of a sneaky one for the road or pakora for the train.

But then … Continue reading

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Wobble wobble wobble

One month in and I am on track but man, this is hard.

I’m working a lot of hours in the gym, but my diet is still in need of some proper hard work.

I had a wee wobble yesterday when I got on the scales in the gym and the needle hadn’t shifted just as much as I wanted.

Then I found this video today on YouTube and it certainly helped.

Worth a watch.

“If you clean up your diet, and go to the gym….it can’t not work.”

I like that.

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Letter to Joshua: Five

Well, there it is, Joshua. You’re now five years old. How on earth did that happen so fast? How did you grow from the tiny baby to the young boy you’ve become, already wise beyond your years. It’s like time fast forwarded to now. I hope it slows down a little, just so we can enjoy it all the more. Because I do, enjoy it, that is. Every single golden second of every waking day.

Yesterday when you got up at 6am to excitedly pronounce that you had, finally, after all your 12 months of waiting reached the golden age you’d been aching for, all I could do was smile. When you ripped open your presents and squealed with delight, I grinned. After a day filled with cake, nursery friends, more cake, cards, more cake, bath and extra bedtime stories as a special birthday treat, there was nothing greater than hearing you tell me how it had been the best day ever.

At least, until the next one. Which I hope comes sooner, not later.

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The diet holiday is over … for both our sakes

Truth be told, I didn’t want to write this post. It’s been months in the waiting.

I didn’t want to say hey remember that four stone I lost, well it’s back. Admit all those hopes of keeping the weight off had disappeared like pakora off my plate.

That yes, I remain a fat laddie. Worse, actually. I’m a fat laddie – again.

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Here We Go Again Then

The point at which this project lost any credbility or chance of success has long since passed.

Looking back, that point was probably in the summer of the first year, when we realised, both secretly, that there was no way on God’s earth either of us were going to lose five stone in a year.

The years since then have been a succession of false dawns and of small yoyo diets, spurts of intense activity, blogging and hope, followed by months of brooding silence and self-loathing as we fattened back up.

So why persist? Why put ourselves and our families through another year of this public humiliation.

Well, for me, I can only say that I need to do it, for my health and to keep myself motivated. A promise is a promise. The notion that anyone else might be interested in any of this is, frankly, secondary now.

Having said all that it’s not all doom and gloom. I ended last year pretty well. December saw me back in the gym regularly and also attending circuit training again.

That followed a month or two when I got a bit of a health fright culminating in me darkening the doors of both my GP surgery and a hosptial for the first time in years.

Long story short I was told to wise up and lose weight. December then was a good mental preparation for 2015, lots of exercise and a bit of healthier eating.

So here we are and here we go again. A weight loss blog by two fat guys that tells it like it is.

(sorry, I couldn’t resist)

My starting point this year is, sad to say, 131 kilos – or, in old money, fat as f**k.

As sobering as it is to realise I am pretty much exactly the same weight as I was when we started Two Fat Laddies, at least I know where I stand.

The first few days of January have been good. Despite breaking my toe on Hogmanay in a ridiculous sofa-moving incident I have been in the gym steadily, battering out long, slow, low intensity cardio sessions on the cross-trainer and exercise bike. The benefits so far might be small but at least it’s given me a sense of purpose.

My crocked foot has given me a reason not to turn out to the much more challenging circuit sessions at Lochend in 2015 but the excuse will only last for so long.

I need to spend the rest of today sorting out the blog’s ‘furniture’ such as the spreadsheet bit where Shaun and I can track our weight week by week, and also trying to figure out if I really need to buy the weights set I have my eye on.

Other than that, I suppose the other thing I should do is wish anyone who has stuck with us this long and who is reading this, health and happiness in 2015.

I (we) apologise for all that has gone on before, and hope we can relate some stories of success this year.

Again, if you have any advice, experience, or just want to drop us a line, feel free.


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